As I lay in bed last night talking with my husband, I wanted to share with him what had been on my heart. Social media is a large part my connection to the outside world each day, and lately my heart has been burdened for the many loving parents whose children struggle to survive each day. I cannot imagine as a parent what it must be like to see your children fight for their lives, not knowing what tomorrow will hold, or watching a healthy child become ill after an accident or due to a disease that is incurable. I have so very, very much to be thankful for, and because this life is so unpredictable; because they could be with me today, and be gone or forever changed tomorrow, I have to live each day with them to the fullest, loving them as deeply as I possibly can. I cannot afford even a moment in which I fail to show them how much they are loved and how very wonderful I think they are.
I know that I am human. I know that there are times in which my five year old asks for candy at inopportune times and proceeds to throw a knock-down, drag-out fit on the floor because I tell him no. There are times when tasks such as going to the grocery store or folding laundry are nearly impossible and seriously test my sanity. I sometimes get frustrated. I sometimes lose my patience. And sometimes, more often than I'd like to admit, I catch myself outwardly showing this frustration and lack of patience in a way that is not productive and not as firm-but-loving as I would like.
Sometimes I just have to reflect on whether or not I am becoming the kind of parent God has called me to be. Am I honestly doing my best to "train them up in the way that they should go" (Proverbs 22:6)? What my boys learn from my husband and I, and their brief time here at home is pivotal in determining the men they will become. What kind of husbands will they be? What kind of fathers? What will marriage look like to them? Will they learn to show grace and mercy, even when their patience is tried? As parents, we have a huge and incredibly important task at hand. God has given us these precious children to love and to guide and teach with love and grace, just as he loves and guides and teaches us in the same way. Am I doing my best? Honestly? The truthful answer is not always. And that needs to change.
I can't afford to take for granted even a moment with these amazing boys. Tomorrow is not promised, and that means that today, I have to ask God to give me more of Him and less of me so that I can be the kind of parent that I know he has called me to be. I don't want even the briefest of times to pass by in which they fail to see me as a reflection of God's love for them. That is a monumental task, believe me, I'm aware, but I think it just has to start with me waking up every day and choosing to give myself over to God. I cannot be an example of grace without first seeking the grace He offers to me. John 3:30 says, "He must become greater, I must become less" (NIV). This is my daily task. I owe those precious, amazing blessings I call my kids the very best version of me as their mom. They are only with me for a while, and I want that time to be full of joy and love, wise lessons, and wonderful memories.
