Is it just me, or does everyone sometimes wish they could have a do-over in life? I know what I'm supposed to say...that my past has made me who I am and that God is going to use it for His glory to help others, but sometimes I just want to say out loud that although it has made me who I am and although it will allow me to help people in ways that I would not otherwise be able to, it just sucks that bad things happen at all. Sometimes I just want to feel sorry for myself for a moment, and ruminate on the hand I've been dealt in life and think about the ways I would change it if I could. Not productive at all, believe me, I know, but sometimes it's just a matter of processing for me, and it is in those times that I know the only way I will be able to feel any relief at all is if I somehow find a way to just give it to God. It's much too big for me to handle on my own.
My favorite Bible verse is John 16:33, which says, "I have told you all of this so that you may have peace in me. Here on Earth, you will have many trials and sorrows, but take heart, because I have overcome the world." I was led to that verse in one of the difficult times in my life, and I refer to it often, especially when I'm feeling the way I am now. The truth is that we live in a fallen world, and that we will inevitably hurt and be hurt in this life. It's not fair, it stinks, and if I choose to dwell on it too long I find myself discouraged and broken, unable to truly move forward. But what I find peace in are the blessings God has given me in my husband and children, and the wonderful, amazing people He has brought into my life to traverse this world with me as my chosen family, my friends.
I give it to Him. I ask Him to take a past and circumstances that I can do nothing about and to fill me up with love and appreciation for what I do have in my life. And I think about Heaven, and how when I die, "He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All of these things are gone forever." (Rev. 21:4) And that gives me hope. It doesn't matter what this world throws my way, I have Him, and nothing, nothing can take that from me.
So although I have my moments that I allow my anger to surface at injustices that I, my loved ones, and even strangers have faced in this life, I choose to look up, not back. He offers me unconditional love in relationship with Him, and you know what? No matter what happens or has happened in the past, I know I have His amazing love and grace that will see me through anything, and for me, that is enough.
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